The result of the enquiry into the activities of Pakistan cricketers regarding match fixing has made the declaration of war by Britain against Pakistan inevitable.
Fortunately troops are in nearby Afghanistan ready for an invasion. Air raids on the bit of Pakistan left after the floods (surely in retrospect due to God's wrath at the Pakistan cricketers abominable actions) are being carefully monitored by intelligence services who know that the bombs must avoid nuclear installations. 'We know exactly where the Weapons of Mass Destruction are' said a secret agent 'and, given the wind is in the right direction we shall miss them by a mile or more.'
'Punishment is one thing, world destruction would be going too far' assured Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg. David Cameron has decided not to break his holiday in Cornwall feeling sure that Nick is quite capable of making the Right decisions. In any case he thinks Cornwall is far enough away from London to escape the expected acts of retaliation by crazed Pakistan cricket fans resident in the UK.
Brigadier Ponsonby-Smythe (Retd) spoke for the nation when he said from the centre of the wicket at Lords cricket Ground: 'Pakistan cricketers have besmirched the name of cricket. This criminal behaviour must be dealt with in the most vigorous way. We are following God's example and showing Pakistan the meaning of fair play.' He then quickly moved aside so that the County match, being watched by no less than 50 spectators, could continue.