It has been officially announced tonight by an unnamed Downing Street Source that the much speculated upon "Iguana Secret" shall be staying secret for many years to come. It was thought that the records regarding the subject were to be declassified and published today, but apparently not.
A crowd gathered outside the gates of Number 10 this afternoon in anticipation that they might finally receive some news on this mysterious subject. Many were relative of victims hoping for news of loved ones but they were severely disappointed. David Cameron himself was heard to say "The Iguana secret shall stay Secret" Nick Clegg inadvertently confirmed the situation further when he was heard telling a senior MI6 operative of his shock that anyone could even consider issuing public documents on such a sensitive subject.
The Iguana secret has been a closely guarded secret in the Houses of Parliament since the end of world war 2. It is believed to concern the disappearances of innumerable people in the latter half of the last Century. The disappeared people were believed to be ordinary civilians with no evident enemies. Most were reported missing on damp, dark, foggy nights in London. Some had only planned on leaving the comfort of their homes for no less than half an hour in order to walk their dogs. The only thing they had in common was that their last planned route took them past the houses of Parliament and none of them were ever seen again.
The Government has always denied there ever was an Iguana secret. They have dismissed rumours of sightings on numerous occasions. For half a century people have wondered, though, about the creature who stalks his pray in the night, but never before had there ever been any official acknowledgement until last Tuesday.
This acknowledgement came in the form of a leaked document dropped on the desk of an unnamed labour MP. It said that the Monstrous creature could be responsible for up to half of all unexplained disappearance in London every year. The document also hinted that their was evidence the creature had connections to a wealthy London family with financial connections right at the heart of Government.
A note attached to document advised the Minister to keep pushing the boundaries of secrecy on this one until he found the truth about the Iguana secret. Then, and only then, would Londoners be free to walk the streets on foggy nights.
The PM refused to deny or confirm the story. But MI6 are believed to have re-doubled their deployment of secret troops to the banks of the Thames. Word on the international spy underground has it, that Britain is ready to do battle with a modern day dragon, and they're not sure if they'll win. The next months will be crucial. This story shall be updated at a later time when my computer has been de-spybotted and I can once again deliver news without censor.
By Katarina Frogpond.