Written by Morse
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Topics: Murder, suicide, Spy, MI5

Monday, 30 August 2010

image for "Classic Double Suicide" Cited After Another Gay Spook found Hanging Off Shower Rod in Hotel, Whilst Bridget the Midget Was On Ice In Mini-Fridge!
Bridget the Midget's Death Mask After Being Found Chilled Out in Mini Fridge!

In yet another shocking turn of events dealing with UK Intelligence (sic) Agencies, another high level spook has turned up dead with no signs of life in a Tothill area 5 star hotel under somewhat mysterious circumstances.

The agent, who can not be named due to the State Secrecy Perverted Sex Act, just passed last week, was found trussed like a Boxing Day piglet hanging from the shower rod of room 203 of the hotel, which also serves as a some times 'safe house' for MI5,6,& 9 over stressed agents serving on hostile foreign service desks in need of a 'real' fantasy life.

Also found in the hotel room mini fridge was the infamous double agent Bridget The Midget, the 3'5" sex bomb recently named in the Anna Chapman spy scandal in the US. Bridget was found wedged in between 2 Cornish Pasties and a half empty bottle of Italian Mineral water along with a suicide note confessing to the unintended death of the agent left hanging on the shower rod wearing only black socks, a pork pie hat and a penis extension.

According to sketchy reports leaked by Intelligence Officials, the two deaths have been listed as accidental suicides as the result of a simulated interrogation exercise gone terribly wrong.

The agent left hanging around was said to have suffered a fatal heart attack during a moment of sexual excitement brought on by inadvertently plugging his anal suppository into the house current without using a UK conversion plug hence sending 220 volts up his arse.

According to corner reports seen by the source of the leaks, Bridget the Midget succumbed from being garroted to death with Russian panty hose that would only fit a 6'2" woman with real big calves muscles. The fact that the victims hands were clenched about both ends of the hose led the corner to deduce that her death was self inflicted, backed up with the computer generated note in her mouth which declared, "I did it and I can't live with myself!"

Both bodies were found by a former intelligence agent 'just passing through' London on his way to the Cotswold in order to continue research involving the former cases of a deceased Scotland Yard Inspector with a slight drinking problem and a 3.8 Jag with bad electrics and a malfunctioning overdrive.

The former agent, also not named, was bailed by the esteemed legal firm of Mudder & Mudder, LLC, and due to prior coincidences of a lethal nature in the UK during clandestine visits, was urged to recluse himself to the Isle of Wight where nothing really happens and lone constable could keep an eye on him.

Meanwhile Coalition leaders are contemplating reintroducing the 'don't ask, don't tell' sexual policy for all their intelligence operatives, at least until the last MP comes out of the closet, and the last spook has got himself off in another bizarre manner.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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