The growing popularity of operations to deal with the obesity problems besetting some over large people have caused a business man to put forward schemes he feels would be more straightforward, and very effective.
'We have ample hotel vacancies in Northern Pakistan at the moment. A favourite has always been the Washed Away Hotel where a strict diet has to be followed in accordance with the helicopter service in the area.' The cost of travelling to Pakistan will be covered by an NHS grant inaugurated by Minister Piggy Pickles, who will join the scheme when time allows.
Another initiative is to take over the mine in which miners are trapped in Chile and use the facility, when the present occupants have completed there own obesity cures, to assist those who are over weight. 'There will be a gift of hidden treasure for those who can descend down the chute into the mine when it is clear' said our man Piggy, who again has persuaded the Treasury that this scheme is a good use of taxpayers money.
The nature of the hidden gift is, as one would have expected, hidden, but several chunks of gold are known to have been secreted in the area. When prizes are found a gold rush is expected. Only people of very wide girth can be selected for the programme.
'We will see an improvement to health from Piggy's initiatives' said Nick Clegg 'the Minister can then rid himself of his nickname - excuse the pun - and show an example to other ghastly creatures who wobble from place to place.'