Written by Noshing Mink
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Topics: Parliament, MPs, Expenses

Wednesday, 25 August 2010

image for British MP suffers malnutrition waiting for expense claim to be paid
One MP got tired of waiting for his expenses to be paid and resorted to microwave meals

Doctors have confirmed that a Labour MP who was rushed to a hospital in Chelsea is suffering from malnutrition. Dennis MacShane, a Labour MP and former Minister, related his condition to delays in the system of paying MPs' expense claims.

McShane confirmed that he is too poor to buy his own food and relies completely on his MP's expense account.

In the past, MPs claimed whatever they liked, submitted the form to staff at the House of Commons and would be paid in cash the same day. Further, every day one lucky MP would be named as a lottery winner and receive double the expenses claimed.

All that has ended and now MPs are forced to wait several days before they get paid their expenses. MacShane told reporters that he couldn't afford another champagne lunch, since he was still waiting to be paid for his last champagne lunch.

"Do they want us to starve to death?" he demanded in his usual hysterical manner. "Right now, being an MP is the worst job in the country."

One female MP is said to have waited over a week for her expenses to be paid and she very nearly had a nervous breakdown, threatening to "murder someone". She related a story about a colleague who got tired of waiting for his expenses to be paid and resorted to microwave meals.

A backbencher said "If a patient with life-threatening injuries had to wait several days to be operated on, there would be a public uproar. Why then should MPs have to wait several days for their expenses to be paid?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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