Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Topics: Local

Wednesday, 25 August 2010

image for Local Man Stunned By Wife's Arrival
Mr O'Twat was surprised... like Marilyn.

A Leeds man was stunned yesterday when his wife came home from work at the usual time.

Lorcan O'Twat was so surprised by the incident that he had to sit down and have a stiff whisky to revive himself.

The incident occurred at around 6pm as Mr O'Twat, of Bellissimo Gardens, was watching the news on TV.

"I'd been home myself since around five o'clock - I get off at 4.30 and it's only a 20-minute walk home. I'd had a cup of tea and a tidy round the kitchen before I went into the sitting room to watch the news.

"I had only been sat down not five minutes when I heard the door latch. I got up and looked into the hall and saw my wife, Dymphna, coming in through the front door! Well, you could have knocked me down with a feather!

"She finishes work at five o'clock and gets the bus - the 37 goes by the end of the street. If she picks up a bit of shopping it takes her an hour to get home.

"Dymphna said my face just drained - so she sat me down and got me a drop of Bushmill's to put me right."

Top anthropologist, Dr Barbara Thesaurus, said: "This is not quite as surprising as many people might think.

"Much research has been carried out in this field and it seems that, in the vast majority of cases, people come home from work at their usual time.

"We're not too sure why this happens, but the research is in its early stages. There are major projects at Oxford and Manchester looking into the phenomenon."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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