Written by Nick Hobbs
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Wednesday, 25 August 2010

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Water, water, everywhere.....

Celebrities are lending their talents to help flood ravaged victims in Pakistan in the wake of the terrible rains recently.

Katie Price was launched late last week, and it is hoped she will reach Pakistan sometime this week. She is hoping to provide much needed bouyancy to the water soaked country, possibly ferrying stranded victims to safety.

Loudmouth and self-proclaimed 'Chatty Man', Alan Carr, will use his vast facial void to 'suck and spit' as much water from the country as possible. Aid workers have also hinted at the possible use of his mammoth teeth to dig drainage trenches around the worst hit areas.

Kerry Katona, often said to have had 'that sinking feeling' of late, will use her vast experiences and empathy to offer support and comfort to victims that have lost everything.

Other celebrities to offer help are Brian Blessed, who will act as a flood prevention barrier, both physically and audibly, Lenny Henry, who will wander around on camera and patronisingly pat people on the head and all of the Dragon's from Dragon's Den, who are thinking of investing in a 'Water World' style theme park and holiday camp, based on the Kevin Costner film of the same name, and just want to know what it would look like.

Lee Evans' help has been vehemently denied by aid charities, as his profuse sweating would only add to an already major disaster.

Rumours that Wet,Wet,Wet are to record a charity version of 'Singin' In The Rain' have not been confirmed.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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