In scenes reminiscent of World War 2 a mass evacuation of children to the countryside has begun following Kerry Katona's claim that she would like to adopt a child.
"It's the only way to ensure the safety of our children" commented Home Secretary Theresa May "We can't take any chances. Our advice to the children is don't talk to any strange Liverpudlian women singing 'whole again' - just keep walking and don't look back."
Emotional scenes took place up and down the country at train stations as children said goodbye to their parents. One child was heard sobbing to her Mother "I can't believe you didn't let me bring my Xbox."
One Father said "To be honest it's a relief to be rid of the little bastards for a few days. Pity the poor souls that have to take them in. Anyway can't stand around chatting me and the missus are off to Magaluf while we've got the chance."
Kerry Katona was last seen heading towards a local primary school with a large net.
More as we get it.