Written by Noshing Mink

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Topics: Racism, Chess, elite

Wednesday, 25 August 2010

image for Govt urges people to boycott "Chess" because it's racist, classist and homophobic
Old man thinks he is a Bishop and stands in chess board with plastic pieces

After the fiasco about banning Medal of Honour on the ground that it encourages players to kill British soldiers (even though there are apparently no British soldiers in the game), the government now wants people to stop playing chess!

The government says that chess is all about racial domination, with players assuming an army based entirely on skin colour. To make matters worse, they use tactics which stereotype and belittle underprivileged members of society, such as sacrificing pawns. But worst of all, the game is homophobic because of its use of the Queen as the most powerful piece. A Home Office Minister said "The Queen is clearly intended to be a gay general".

Fans of chess have reacted angrily, one saying "E2E4, E7E5, E1D3". Protests have been planned in Westminster, where 8 x 8 boards will be drawn on the ground and protesters, wearing black or white clothes, will stand silently side by side in rows 1, 2 7 and 8 for a couple of hours.

A policewoman said "We wish all protesters were this considerate."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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