We can exclusively reveal that Jesus has today been handed an ASBO in a surprising turn of events at the High Court.
Ruling for the prosecution in the case Judge Gary Baldi said "The evidence was overwhelming in the end - he has to be taught a lesson."
The judgement comes after a number of complaints from a group of Mormons following their annual get together. Speaking on their behalf Mormon Daniel Guffenbaum said " We invited Mr Christ because he always shows quite a keen interest in our work and has recently moved to the local area and we like to get new people involved. He accepted and seemed really nice, chatting to people and telling us a few jokes. It started off quietly enough, then everyone started acting really strangely, we were all getting louder and louder and people were dancing and starting to get violent. It was horrendous. Anyway it turns out that whilst we thought we were drinking water, we were in fact drinking wine even though there wasn't any on the premises and there's only one person we know who can turn water into wine."
Jesus - or Jesus H. Christ to give him his full title commented "It was only meant to be a bit of a laugh, I didn't think everyone would get that pissed. Mind you the Facebook pictures look great."
Jesus's Mum and Dad refused to comment when leaving the court but Mary was overheard saying that she hoped the ASBO would give him a "short sharp shock" and that maybe now "the little sod will get a proper job."
The Pope was due to appear as a witness for the defence but was last seen talking to God on the great white telephone following a night out with Jesus and several local bishops.
More as we get it.