Republicans in Australia are shocked by their fellow citizens copying the British political model, recently launched onto the market, of the elegantly named 'Hung Parliament'.
'The people have not spoken' said one irate Aussie 'look what's happening in our famous mother country! We should have thought twice before sacrifing the nation.'
Charles Kennedy, former leader of the British Liberal Democrats and relation of the lesser known Kennedy's of America, has warned Australia of the likely consequences of a Coalition Government. 'Scotland and Australia' he said 'have about the same relationship to the English. Too close for comfort. Our Coalition has resulted in the end of conviction politics. All principles have gone out of the window. Our lot just do anything to stay in power.'
'What we need here in Australia' the editor of the 'Sydney Herald' told us in an exclusive email 'is the spirit of Chelsea. We want a 6-0 winner, none of these compromise settlements so many football teams settle for just to remain in the Premiership.'
So Australia are on the look out for a goal scorer who can help to save the Kangaroos from the noose. The thought of the sight of thousands of Kangaroos hanging by the roadside, gasping until they suffocate, is too much to bare for Australians. They are a shy people.
They want to call it a draw and move on to the next Ashes series as soon as possible.