Written by queen mudder
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Saturday, 21 August 2010

image for Secret Nazi tunnels link Lisa Presley's new Borley Rectory home and Saint Hill Manor scientology HQ!
View from nearby Tunbridge Wells abattoir

Kent - (Ectoplasm News): The underground matrix was bored circa 1941 by Nazi moles in the Queen Mother's entourage.

According to secret MoD papers released today the subterranean tunnels to nearby Saint Hill Manor Scientology HQ were the subject of intense NATO surveillance until 9/11.

The covert underground network was also once used to transport Elvis Presley's suspected DNA birth father Rudolf Hesse to a War Orifice interrogation center deep in the Kent Weald.

Hitler's legendary Nazi party deputy was debriefed there ahead of an eventual incarceration at Spandau Prison.

The Borley property then languished on estate agents' books for over 50 years amid concerns about unstable Bagshot Sands beneath the complex.

The tunnels' existence was always vehemently denied by estate agents unable to shift the spooky Victorian pile.

But this week's arrival of Lisa Marie Presley and her family at what was once described as 'Britain's Most Haunted House' has set realtors' champagne corks popping.

A stunning multi-million pound refurbishment has seen Presley, husband Mike Lockwood and their oddly named children hunker down in the £8-million pad.

"It's still spookier than Madonna's Vlad The Impaler Villa mansion in Marylebone," Roger Scrubbs of estate agents Gazump & Gazunder chuckled today, "but Americans love that crazy kind of stuff, don't they?

"It's what they call c-u-l-t-u-r-e!"

Of course Borley Rectory's new chateleine may have been won over by its ultimate WOW! factor:

All its south-facing bedrooms and receptions have superb views onto nearby Saint Hill Manor where L Ron Hubbard once shagged former Mansion proprietor Sawai Man Singh II, the Maharajah of Jaipur.

Chancery documents detailing Scientology UK's bankruptcy details were hurriedly shredded in 1997 soon after Princess Diana's death.

Michael Jackson RIP was Lisa Marie's former husband.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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