Written by matthatt
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Saturday, 21 August 2010

image for Crocodile thought to be drift wood, revealed to be Robert Pattinson.
Robert Pattinson in a typical moody pose.

Beaches along the English Channel had been reopened and then closed again to swimmers amid reports that the suspected crocodile cum piece of wood, sighted close to busy beaches was in fact "actor" Robert Pattinson.

The alarm was raised after authorities saw his acting in the Twilight films and decided it would be best to keep the general public at a distance in case they saw him attempting to perform.

Pattinson had been out for a swim whilst rehearsing for another stab at being an "actor" in a forthcoming thing he is doing, when he was spotted by a couple of fishermen who mistook his inability to act, as a piece of wood floating in the water which they then in turn mistook for the back of a crocodile.

Robert Pattinson has since been offered the job of playing the pantomime crocodile in Peter Pan this Christmas alongside Pneumatic porn star Pamela Anderson.

It's a funny old life innit though.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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