"Fergie facing bankruptcy" - "Andrew must answer questions"
Media headlines are screaming for answers to yet another sordid £500,000 Fergie saga coupled with the dubious role played by Randy Andy - Britain's "roving" Trade Ambassador.
Suddenly Yourgov has gone stone silent over embarrassing questions relating to Fergie's £5million debt; the role of punters and the rather shady activities of the Duke of Pork himself in the 'cash-for-access' affair.
(hem-hem) Mum Glum and her gray suits have done their best to try & mash this mucky mess into a marmite jar but the ooze is still thick enough to spread on many a rack of cold-toast.
With the Aussies flirting with a Republic again and Charles still talking to the trees your reporter has uncovered from an interesting source the following scuttlebutt:
"HRH and members of PM Stanley Baldwin's govt who engineered KE VIII's exile are now working on a similar fiduciary pressure arrangement for the Duke and Duchess of Pork."
The exile location has been kept secret but your reporter was able to pry it out of the Duchess herself - in another cash-for-publicity offer.
It is believed to be her mother's family ranch, Estancia El Pucara, a seven-hour drive from Argentina's capital, Buenos Aires, across the flat open pampas.
As the ranch boasts cattle and ponies and Sarah's country upbringing was much like that of a horsey poltroon it is believed she will not have any problem adjusting to the coarse vulgarity of life there while squire Andy sucks back G & Ts at the local pub.
Princess Di offered her advice from the beyond:
"I foresee a bull going wild - rampaging the crowd - Ole! Ole!"