Big hearted former Prime Minister, Tony Blair, has today announced that he will donate all the proceeds of his memoirs to the Armed Forces in a bid to drive up falling recruitment numbers.
The peace loving ex Premier said "Those poor boys and girls shouldn't even be there. But, there they are. This is just my small way of helping out by giving them a few bob." Tony continued "Somebody once told me that it's an illegal war and that it was only ever about getting the oil, regime change and opening a McDonalds in Kabul. Not to mention the CIA gaining control of the lucrative opium fields. I don't know about that but the sooner we get that Mugabe out of Afghanistan the better I reckon. I blame Bush me, I do."
Meanwhile, Army recruitment officer, Gerald Sapper, said "We need to get back to the eighties where an Army career promised girls, lots of trips abroad, fun with the lads and no wars. The media's got it all wrong showing blind, limbless soldiers who will never work again. Nobody wants to see that. It sends out the wrong message. And showing bodies being flown back home isn't making my job any easier. The reality isn't like that. For every Lieutenant Dan there's a hundred Field Marshal Montgomerys."
In a series of Army awareness days, activities lined up are expected to include a landmine trolley dash, a grenade and spoon race, roadside bomb hurdling, pin the blame on the tyrant, hide and seek the weapons of mass destruction and a game of pass the Anthrax parcel.
The Army is also expected to dispense with it's motto of 'Be The Best' in the rebranding exercise.
MOD officials unveiled their new slogan today "The Army. What The Bloody Hell's There To Think About ? It Won't Kill You."