Written by Horace Thomas

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Topics: Police, Women

Sunday, 13 July 2003

Jeffrey Archer, the disgraced peer, is about to be released from prison within days. Police are warning the public, particularly old women, not to approach him. The former cabinet minister is expected to go straight to a halfway house near Buckingham Palace, where concerned royal family members, including the Queen, have asked for security to be tightened.

A senior police officer in the royal protection squad said: "They're terrified that Archer might try to steal the crown jewels, I mean, you just can't trust him with anything. He's a right tea leaf-I heard they had to nail everything down in the prison."

Police are taking drastic measures to protect the public, including a sophisticated "Jeffrey Archer" warning system, a message will automatically be sent to mobile phones, warning the user that Archer is in the area.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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