Written by Rodd Justice
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Topics: church, Bible

Saturday, 12 July 2003

image for Church Refutes Gay Claims
Phallic imagery in architecture - Lesson 1.

Anglican Church officials today denied that it ‘sexed-up' the Bible to include evidence that homosexuality was wrong.

The Bible, or ‘Dodgy Scripture' as it is now known, was amended before the final draft by the Church's PR spokesman, the Archbishop of Canterbury.

He denied lying, and said he was "confident that gayness of mass disgusting would be found."

The Dossier was crucial in the promotion of Christianity, persuading some of the gayest areas of the country to agree, including Jersey. It included allegations such as "gays crucified Jesus after he ate all their bananas" and "the Devil looks at his own bottom in the mirror."

The Church today demanded that it stay unified, and not let the gay issue tear it apart. Bishop Footinown Mouth said, "if we can stand firm in the face of the issues of racism, sexism, falling numbers attending church, moral decline - then I'm sure we can beat off gays."

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