Written by IainB
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Topics: Cars, Parking, clamp

Tuesday, 17 August 2010

image for Clamp down on Clampers
Clampers Ousted

Home Office minister has successfully pushed through a bill to oust Clampers from England's privately owned land.

This has come as a great relief to a number of MPs who have been parking their cars on an abandoned lot around the back of Westminster, many of whom have been victims of the Cowboy Clampers.

"From now on," said Lynne Featherstone, an MP in the Home Office, "Clampers will face huge fines or prison sentences if they clamp a car parked on private land. No longer will these bullies be allowed to charge exorbitant fees to release a clamped car, and towing a car away will result in a charge of theft of a motor vehicle."

The Anti-Clampers bill has become the fastest adopted bill ever to go through Parliament, taking just four hours, normally a bill will take weeks to be drafted, approved, ratified, debated upon and then voted for or against. It is also one of only a handful of bills to be unanimously passed, with every present MP voting in favour of this move.

"You know what it is," said clamper Ged Gotcher, "it's victimisation of us honest hard working clampers, that's what it is. Add one more to the unemployment figures."

Politician watchdogs are slightly suspicious of the timing of the bill, which comes after thirty-two cars belonging to various MPs including Lynne Featherstone were clamped. However, as the chairperson for Watching the House has also been clamped, they won't be opposing the bill.

"Whilst it is true that my car has been clamped," said Featherstone, "this bill has nothing to do with me not wanting to pay the two hundred and fifty quid fine to get it released, which frankly is daylight robbery, literally now. Instead this is about standing up for the people in England and Wales who have suffered under the aggression of these bullies."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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