Written by Nana Raine
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Topics: God, The Sun

Sunday, 15 August 2010

Derek Helious: Great, great, great, great, great, great grandson of the famous Greek Sun God 'Helious' made an unprecidented public appearance in Colwyn Bay this morning at a rally staged by 'anti global warming' protestors.

In an interview with 'the NOT news,' Lucinda Chetwynd-Talbot, of Bron-y-Nant said:

'We were all were absolutely gob smacked! We'd met up outside my house, hoisted our placards and started marching, the plan was to pick up like minded stragglers along the way. We were just on the outskirts of Colwyn when this foreign looking chap pulled up in a 1976 Petropoulos Unitrak 4x4. Of course all the blokes were just interested in the vehicle but felicity and I (having no particular interest in Greek 70's off roaders) introduced ourselves to the driver and chatted a little about our cause.'

'Anyway, turns out he knew exactly what we were trying to achieve and apparently he'd been sent by a relative to deliver some important and extremely relevant information. It was a long winded story that basically boiled down to the fact that this chap's great, great, blah, blah, blah, grandfather, who's miraculously still alive! (I don't ask questions if the results are good) has the power to dim down the Sun. He said he'd had to do it once before during the mid seventeenth century and as there seemed to be no long term ill effects (so long as you discount a fairly insignificant mini ice age) he would could see no problem with repeating the exercise, especially, he said: 'if it means helping you folks out with this infuriating global warming thingy.'

Marcus Llewelyn, science undergraduate with the O.U. and fellow 'anti global warming' rally supporter said:

'To be honest, me and the rest of the blokes kinda thought he was full of shit. You get some right nutters around here in the summertime. Awesome wheels though fair play!

When asked for a proper scientific opinion a spokesperson for a very important university said: 'Well we have undertaken some studies and the results seem to indicate that the Sun is actually the quietest it has been for a very long time. As to why this has happened? Well, quite frankly we're baffled! The general consensus is that the reason is unclear. We are equally unclear about when and indeed 'if' the matter will become clear.

In a closing statement he added: 'We can however, state with absolute certainty that the current 'dimming' will NOT reverse the rise in global temperatures in any way shape or form.' When asked if he had solid evidence to back up this statement he said: 'No, but I have got a P.H.D.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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