Written by Noshing Mink
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Topics: Catholic

Sunday, 15 August 2010

image for N.I. protests continue as Apprentice Boys demand right to march through Catholic houses
"Who wants to go through the Catholic area"? "Me, me, me!"

Violence has continued for a third night as unreasonable Catholics in some parts of Londonderry have tried to deny the Protestant Apprentice Boys of Derry the right to march through Catholic areas of the city in celebration of a victory during the Siege of Londonderry in 1688-1689.

History tells that a group of brave young Protestants stormed the houses of the city's renegade Catholic minority searching for rebels and that about fifty men were rounded up and hanged.

Today's Apprentice Boys don't seek to hang anyone but have asked to celebrate the event, which will mean a 500 strong band of drummers and bagpipers marching through several streets of the Catholic area of Londonderry, through a few Catholic houses and out the other side. The President of the Apprentice Boys, who is actually neither an apprentice nor a boy, assured Catholics that his movement wishes to minimise any disruption to the lives of local residents and promised not to hang anyone.

However, it is believed that some radical elements in the Catholic community, resentful of the Apprentice Boys' marching rights and determined to spoil the fun for all the people of the province, have incited Catholic youths to throw stones at marchers and set fire to cars in a pitiful attempt to stop the march.

The devolved government pleaded with Catholics to stay calm. A spokeswoman said "The march will only take a few hours and you can always clean your carpets after the event is over."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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