Reliable sources today informed Skoob Sports News that Liverpool and England skipper, Steven Gerrard, would not feature heavily in today's Sunday tabloid scandal rags.
"Well, why would he?" one tabloid editor asked us. "What's he supposed to have done?"
To which we had no answer.
"You wanna backtrack a little on theSpoof.com," a source told us. "The answers are all there. But you've got to be a bit clever and read between the lines."
Frankly, our sports correspondent, Roy Racist of Mulchester Rovers fame in a comic, didn't understand what all the fuss about Steven Gerrard not being splashed all over the tabloids was all about.
"What's he supposed to have not done?" he asked.
Here at Skoob Sports News, we haven't got a clue what all this is about, but we do use the word 'all' quite a lot in our reportage.
We have no idea why Steven Gerrard should not be a headliner in the tabloids, nor for that matter why he should be.
All we can do is tap our nose with an index finger, wink, and say no more.
Mum's the word. Wink wink.