Written by Noshing Mink
Print this

Saturday, 14 August 2010

image for UK Govt to cut civil servant numbers by sending them to Afghanistan in place of soldiers
This annoying junior civil servant in the MOD could be sent to Afghanistan as early as next week.

Dr. Liam Fox, the British Secretary of State for Defence, announced that he plans to reduce the number of civil servants in his department. At present, there are 80,000 civilians employed by the Ministry, compared to 100,000 soldiers in the British Army.

Dr Fox says that annoying pen pushers will be sent to Afghanistan to take the place of soldiers. "That should reduce their numbers nicely", he added, with a smirk.

Civil servants are generally accepted to be the scourge of the country. They have cushy jobs with enormous final-salary linked pensions and they get to work in expensive offices and make government policy. They frequently lose sentitive data affecting millions of people but never get the sack.

MOD civil servants will be formed into regiments of 4,000, and will be dropped into Helmand Province. They will be fully equipped with pens, laptops, blackberries and mobile email connections. However, if they get killed, they will not be given a heroes' return since the country simply cannot afford it. Instead, when they die, their families will be sent a one line email with a sad face icon.

Prime Minister David Cameron is said to be excited at this new money-saving policy. "We expect to save about £5 billion."

Do you know a civil servant or local government official whom you would like to see air-dropped into Helmand Province? If so, send us his name and work address, and we will petition the Prime Minister to send him to Afghanistan.

Make Noshing Mink's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 2 multiplied by 5?

1 10 8 19
49 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more