Written by Philip Wright
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Saturday, 14 August 2010

image for Gardener Criticised for Grenade Stupidity
Pam pictured week before explosion.

Geordie pensioner, Herbert Azalea, has long been a proud gardener. Even losing four of his, "green fingers" in a lawnmower accident back in the 70's hasn't stopped him taking to the garden every summer to prune his rosebushes.

Last week whilst attending to his potatoes, Herbert dug up what looked suspiciously like a World War ll hand grenade.

Herbert recalled what happened; "I thought, "That's not a bloody potato," so I called my wife, Pam, over and said, "Pam, I think I've just dug up a grenade." She didn't believe me, so I thought it would be wise to firmly strike the object several times with my shovel, to check what it was made from."

Herbert decided to bring the live grenade into his house as he intended to take it to the local school for the kids to see.

The grenade was placed on a high shelf in the kitchen for, "safety reasons" and forgotten about until yesterday evening.

"I woke up pretty hungry in the night." Recalled Herbert, "So I went down to the kitchen with Pam to share a Crunchy-Corner yoghurt. It was whilst I was eating that I remembered what I'd dug up the previous week. I'm not sure why we did this, but I got the grenade off the shelf and had a game of throw and catch with Pam..."

Police have advised members of the public- especially gardeners- to be extra vigilant when dealing with explosives. They have made it clear that calling the police should be the number one priority when faced with a situation that involves a live grenade.

"In my heart, I did everything right." Said Herbert, "I have no regrets."

Pam's funeral will take place Wednesday 18th August at St. Morons Church, Middlesborough.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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