A purportedly esteemed cardiologist, Dr Darrel Francis, has this week earned the nickname of Silly Sillypersonson by proposing that fast food restaurants around the country should offer drugs to diners to compensate for the risk of heart disease.
Clearly unsatisfied with the radical notions of personal accountability and providing more thorough nutritional education to both children and adults; the health professional surmised that as a pill comes to less than 5p per customer, British chubbies can continue gleefully hanging out their friends Ronald McDonald and Type 2 diabetes.
Despite coming to the painfully slow realisation that excessive consumption of deep-fried rubber in a bun can raise our risk of getting heart disease, retardation and webbed hands our taste buds have only appeared to water more.
Side effects of the proposed statin drugs include muscle pain and, much to the happiness of the The Burger King, memory loss leading many to fear their days may be spent re-ordering food they have just ingested after becoming confused as to what they have already done.
In response to a request for a comment, Francis' colleague at Imperial College London replied to my e-mail stating "...he said that for real? LOL!!1!"
We also managed to track down the doctor himself after hearing his was on his second milkshake at a popular fried-chicken restaurant in Soho and he only had this to say: "OM NOM NOM."