Written by Jen
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Topics: Facebook

Friday, 13 August 2010

image for Facebook sets the records straight
The Government 'Likes' this

Sweeping reform in the UK today as PM David Cameron announces plans that Facebook will replace public records.

"It's so obvious really." Cameron stated "It's been staring us in the face for so long and I had one of those Eureka moments. Funnily enough I was in the bath at the time too."

The plan, if passed through Parliament, is that as soon as a child is born their Facebook page will be set up with the intial status as 'Jason Smith... is born."

Their status's will then be updated as they go through life and there will no longer be any need for public records. Updates will be made for marriages, births, deaths and other things such as criminal records.

Home Affairs Minister Ms Donna Kebab commented "It's an obvious step forward really isn't it. By abolishing all public records the country will save millions of pounds which is needed right now."

When asked about specifics Ms Kebab went on "Everyone will have a page set up when they're born and then it's up to them to keep their records straight. For example people already update their status's as they go along anyway although we are asking people to refrain from using 'it's complicated' as an official relationship status as that's not recognised by the church - we prefer married, single or divorced. We are also relying on people to be completely honest, otherwise we could run into problems such as an increase in bigamy cases. The only time they are exempt from keeping records is if they get incarcarated. At which point the status should be changed to 'Jason Smith... is in jail' - it's a great way of also letting your friends know why you've gone quiet for a while."

"Once it's all over and you're dead, obviously you can't update your own status, so it's up to a friend or relative to make the final update for you 'Jason Smith... is dead'. We are confident that the country will back us on this new system and will work with us to keep the countries records ship shape and up to date."

In an attempt to ensure that records don't get manipulated, the phonomenon of 'Facebook rape' will now be a criminal offence.

"Obviously we all like to have a laugh" Ms Kebab said "But these are now official records and it could lead to all kinds of confusion if people start adjusting people's statuses to 'dead' when they're not. Also it would be very upsetting on the family."

More on this as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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