Former Prime Minister Tony Blair is visiting London to promote some crappy new book he has written but has insisted that anyone who wants him to autograph their copy must wear a coloured armband, give up their cameras and phones and allow their bags to be searched. Blair believes that someone may try to smuggle a weapon of mass destruction into the Waterstone's store in Picadilly where his book signing will take place.
Anyone who doesn't allow their bag to be searched risks having the Metropolitan Police invade their house, wreck it, beat up their family and install new occupants.
The Stop the War Coalition has expressed outrage at Blair's actions and has already offered a reward to anyone who citizen arrests Blair. It is believed that, to throw off would-be arresters, staff at the shop have arranged to have full-size cardboard cut-out boards of Blair at various parts of the premises. To make them even more lifelike, they will make the "ch-ching" money noise when anyone approaches them.
Anyone who wants Blair to sign their book must buy it first at a ridiculously inflated price of £25.