Written by Skoob1999
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Wednesday, 11 August 2010

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Last Seen Alive In Wolverhampton And Environs. Allegedly.

Unbridled excitement in the West Midlands today when it was announced by binman and part time dinosaur hunter Stanley Cockloft that he had discovered a lost world a couple of miles away from Wolverhampton.

Cockloft, who tends to drink copious quantities of neat vodka, morning noon and night, and even at work, where he doctors bottles of orange juice and coke with vodka, insists that the drinking is a by-product of his obsessive quest for discovering a lost world near Wolverhampton, and that it doesn't affect his performance as a bin man.

He announced today that he had located a densely wooded area which probably houses "T Rexes, Diplodocusses, Triceratopses, Velociraptors and stuff like they had in Jurassic Park very close to Wolverhampton."

Cockloft bases his findings on some impenetrable vegetation - described by locals as brambles - and his dream of finding some live dinosaurs who survived the cretacious period by hiding out near Wolverhampton.

Locals in the area however were unconvinced - Colin Slagg, a self employed carpet fitter told us:

"You don't wanna listen to him - that Cockloft fella. Smashed off his face all the time he is. Even when he's on the bins. They'd have sacked him years ago but his dad's some bigwig on the council. He's a right nutter, he is."

Upon hearing this, our reporter challenged Stanley Cockloft to reveal the lost world, but Stanley Cockloft collapsed in a heap and promptly soiled his trousers.

Council officials expect him to be up and about and falling over the bins as usual, first thing in the morning.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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