Written by Katarina Frogpond2
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Monday, 9 August 2010

image for Naomi Campbell's Diamond Bath Plug
Naomi's diamond bath plug was bigger than 3 kittens

It has been revealed today that a diamond as big as a golf ball has been found inside the London home of Naomi Campbell. It is believed to have been used to decorate a bath plug in a top secret bathroom used only by Naomi and very honoured guests, like Kate Moss and Nelson Mandella. There are also rumours that similar diamonds were used by the model to decorate her very secret bath taps and her top secret loo roll holder.

The stash was discovered by a burglar who refuses to reveal his name because he doesn't want to go to prison...again. From a crack den in central London, just round the corner from Pete Doherty's house, the burglar told of his shock when he realised that these were probably the biggest diamonds in the whole world.

He said he struggled for over two hours to steal the shiny gems but they were so firmly attached to Naomi's bath room fixtures that he couldn't detach them. He eventually had to abandon his activities in Naomi's bathroom when he saw her arrive home in a taxi. She was carrying a weapon - a deadly mobile phone and he knew exactly what kind of damage Naomi could inflict with one of those.

Upon being asked if these were the dirty diamonds given to Naomi by the ex Liberian President, Charles Taylor, the burglar revealed, "I don't think so, they were very sparkly and the biggest of them all was embedded in a bath plug so I'm assuming it got washed quite frequently."

Friends of Naomi have denied the existence of the secret diamond decorated bathroom, but the burglar says it really does exist and he will spend the rest of his burgling career trying to find a way to get back into it. But next time he'll be going to homebase before he pays a visit to the shiny bathroom in order to buy himself a chain cutter to free the diamond bath plug from its platignum chain.

By Katarina Frogpond

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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