Written by Nick Hobbs
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Friday, 6 August 2010

image for Isle of Wight Story Leaves Dorset Man 'Broken'
Geoff's 'phone is broken. Who you gonna call?

A Dorset man was said to be 'beside himself' today after suffering a massive personal loss, after a horrific accident.

The accident occurred last night, at about 10:30pm in his local public house. Gesticulating wildly whilst telling a rather slurred, but whimsical, tale about a man who lives on the Isle of Wight, Geoff Badger lost grip of his mobile telephone and threw it to the ground.

At first the handset looked to have survived the unexpected knock, as it bounced accross the tiled floor, but closer inspection told another story entirely.

The top right corner was badly dented, and this localised shock had impacted badly on the screen, creating a'crazy paving' style pattern accross the glass frontage.

Terry Stain, witness, said "Geoff just shrugged it off at first, said it didn't matter, but we knew that was just the drink talking! We kinda just kept drinking, and didn't mention it, but Geoff went real quiet and kept taking his 'phone out and looking at it."

"It was almost as if he thought it was a bad dream, and if he kept looking at it, it wouldn't be as bad as it seemed!" he continued, "but it was, it really was! Poor bugger..."

Badger relies on his handset for 'on-the-go information and updates' and is often seen texting friends and relatives. He also takes pictures with the 4 megapixel camera, and without it he is said to be like a 'broken man'.

"He just sits and weeps," said Benny Parcel, friend and neighbour, "he's arranged for a repair, but that will take a few weeks, I really don't know what he'll do without it."

It is believed that all of Badgers' friends contact information was on the 'phone at the time of the accident, there is no hard copy in existence.

The Isle of Wight is accepting full responsibility for the attrocity. It is not the first time the island has caused harm through the power of story. Last week a man died of heart failure at his computer whilst typing an email to his brother in Denmark, regarding a news article about the Isle of Wight.

And tuesday last a horse unexpectedly dropped dead in Chiswick highstreet, after overhearing the words 'Isle of Wight' in a conversation between two old ladies recounting 'tales from the war'.

If you need to contact Geoff, please email him. His 'phone is broken.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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