Ballybollox Castle, Scotland - (Portents): In an ironic twist of fate the first sight to greet HM this morning was a 500ft mushroom cloud crop circle in a Balmoral wheat field that somehow sprang up over night..
The apparition seems to depict the B29 Enola Gay's Little Boy payload explosion in Hiroshima exactly 65 years ago tomorrow that brought WWII hostilities to a thundering halt.
Today's cereal etching outside the Queen's bedroom window was described by locals as having seriously rattled Old Fatty Mountbatten.
Her Majesty the grim cold war throwback is said to have been feeling very depressed of late at the utter hideousness of the current planetary set-up in her natal chart.
"All that's a right no-brainer, really," Hamish McHaggis, comptroller general of the Balomral Estate said today
"Still, it's enough for the Hellfire Club to withdraw life-support from HM as from midnight."
Pakistan President Asif Zardari is 69 tomorrow.