A Vicar has urged the Church to get "stretwise"--by encouraging worshippers to SWEAR.
Rev Mick 'fuckin' watch it' Bland, 67 and ageing fast, risked controversy by claiming Jesus regularly swore like a f***ing trooper.
"Listen pal" said the Rev Mick, "when them f***ing Roman wankers had the lad nailed up on that f***ing cross JC was f***ing livid, after all if the f***ing pain wasn't bad enough his f***ing tackle was hanging outta his nappie and no f***ing bleeder had a common f***ing decency to 'tuck it in' so to speak!"
Rev Mick, who has preached and generally ponced about in the East End for more years than he cares to remember said;"I have no problem using the f***ing 'F' word in a sermon, due to a piss poor education I cannot read anyway and have been swearing like a f***ing trooper for f***ing years.
It's never been a f***ing problem because me congregation only ever consists of bleedin' deaf pensioners sheltering from the rain, junkies dealing smack or a few prostitutes doing the business behind the alter, none of whom gives a flying f**k what I f***ing say anyway.....now f**k off I want to have a hand f***ing shandy over todays page three girl!"
Kay Burley has announced that she is on heat-and requests that doners form an orderly queque outside her dressing room at SKY HQ.