Written by Greg F. O'Fay
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Sunday, 17 April 2005

image for Blair On Suicide Watch
Hair today gone tomorrow

The British Prime Minister, Tony Blair, has been taken to Deepcut Barracks amid fears that he may take his own life. His close friend and fellow father, Gordon Brown, has released secret documents that show details of a new Labour campaign. If Tony Blair loses the election. The first objective on the new Labour manifesto will be to form the pressure group "Fathers for Election ".
It is said that Mr Blair was so worried about losing the election and being forced to look at Cherie's hair all day everyday, he had made a suicide pact with Cherie. A close friend to the Blairs confirmed that, Cherie had agreed with the pact and said, if he loses, he goes.

A squad of twenty special forces soldiers dressed as George W Bush swooped in on Downing Street today. Mr Blair thought it was his best friend George coming for breakfast and opened the door willingly. He was then shackled in the Abu Ghraib style and whisked off to the newly revamped Deepcut Barracks. It is expected that Mr. Blair will be made to perform guard duty at the officers mess compound, as this is the safest place on the camp, with over one hundred officers keeping a close eye on him. Camp Commander, Michael Jackson, is said to be worried about the Prime Minister. Mr Jackson still remembers how the battle for parental rights over thier love child, Bubbles, affected Tony in the 80's. The tug of love over Bubbles is thought to have forced Mr. Blair into his marrage with Cherie. Missing out on the Neverland experience has always preyed on Mr. Blairs mind. Staff from number 10 have kept secret the fact that the British leader is often seen in a Peter Pan outfit and sliding down the bannisters at the Whitehall residence.

If the suicide pact comes to fruition, it is thought that the freeview TV channel, Bid up TV, has signed Cherie Blair to 50 year contract. A company executive is delighted that Mrs. Blair will be the presenter for their new daytime show " Hair today gone tomorrow ". Cherie will be promoting her new range of hair care products, aimed at the busy woman about town, who doesn't give a jot about what she looks like.

The Blairs were unavailable for comment today. Mr. Blair was said to be too busy having lashings of ginger beer with the lost boys. Cherie gave no real excuse to our reporter. " Naff Off " was taken as Mrs. Blair was busy.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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