Written by Piglet
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Topics: clothing

Sunday, 1 August 2010

image for Granny Knits Sweater For Billy
Billy modelling his new sweater

Granny Smith spent all month knitting a new woolen sweater for her grandson Billy's 8th Birthday.

But was he impressed?

The answer is a definite No - he most certainly was not.

Too itchy, no holes for the arms or the head, and 'suffocating' were just some of the complaints leveled at Granny's handiwork.

To add insult to Billy's misery, the sweater was intended to be worn as part of his back-to-school uniform.

"You do not mention the 'S' word to a child enjoying his Summer Holidays", Billy said.

Snorty-snort.

The sweater is just the latest addition to a growing wardrobe of woolen clothes she was made for Billy.

Christmas saw him receive those woolen faux Nike slippers.

He has several pairs of woolly underpants and long johns, and even a woolen top hat to be worn on special occasions.

Granny is 98-years old and blind in her left eye.
She lost the sight in an unfortunate bar-room brawl after a raucous Tuesday-night Bingo session.

The midnight-blue concoction was created from five bundles of Cockleshell Bay lambs wool and based on a pattern Granny saw during one her 'nightly visions'.

"I see dead people", Granny told us, "Literally. I'm 98-years old - it goes with the territory"

Oink oink.

Oink.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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