LONDON - The winner of this past season's X-Factor, Joe McElderry of South Shields, Tyneside, was sitting in Little Limey O'Shea's Pub when he was asked if the rumors of him being gay are in fact true.
McElderry, put down his Shirley Temple drink, and made a bit of a face. "Well sir," he said, "I 'ave ta say dat I may 'ave jumped da gun a little bit wiff dat remark. I am still a liddle bit confused I am. I guess dat da best way ta put it is ta say dat I'm not gay, but me boyfriend is."
O'Shea shook his head. He hit the bar with a towel and yelled out, "Now lookey 'ere bloke, either ya be a fairy boy or ya not be one, but ya can't hide da bloomin' issue behind your blue eye shadow now can ya missy?"
Joe smiled and said that whether he's a ginger beer (queer) or not does not change his sweet, lovely singing voice. He said that it does not change the way he can sew a pair of womens knickers, and it does not change the fact that he can still wear a bra and no one except for his boyfriend, his mum, and his mentor Cheryl Cole would know.
Limey raised his eyebrows. He told Joe to finish his Shirley Temple and that he would thank him to be on his merry way.
Joe said that he was going to write Queen Elizabeth and report him for being anti-gay. O'Shea laughed and said that he was not anti-gay, he said that it was just that he and Mrs. O'Shea had both voted for the X-Factor runner up Witham, Essex native Olly Murs.
SIDENOTE: Murs has said that if McElderry is in fact on the gay side then he should be disqualified because he thinks that he read somewhere in the X-Factor rules and guidelines that a winner cannot be gay, a lesbian, a member of Al Qaeda, a member of the Taliban, or a supporter of ex-Prime Minister Tony Blair.