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Topics: Internet, Labour

Sunday, 17 April 2005

image for Blair's Secret Election Strategy Unveiled
Tony Blair And Wife Doreen Rehearsing For Michael Howards Funeral (possibly)

Details of a top secret strategy to guarantee a Labour election victory by Mr Blair and his colleagues at number ten have been leaked onto the internet today.
It is believed that Mr. Blair plans to expose Tory leader Michael Howard as a Vampire!

"Project Nosferatu Blue" as it has been nicknamed will see Blair creep into Tory central in the very dead of night and spray Mr Howard's seat, clothes and Personal belongings with holy water blessed by the Pope moments before he died.
The Chancellor of the Exchequer Gordon Brown will then break into Mr Howard's home and drive a stake into "his blackened demon heart" .
The plan is to then parade around the Houses Of Parliament shouting "come on then who wants some….do you think your hard enough????" with the Tory leaders head on a silver platter.
Critics say however that this is an unoriginal idea and harkens back to the days of Lloyd George
when a then unknown Winston Church hill plotted to expose the leaders secret love of molesting small field mice.

Former "Spin Doctor" Jeff Stansopopolusnommyatu said "Mr Blair is clutching at straws..it is common knowledge that Mr. Howard is infact a half breed Vampire and is immune to holy water and the like. His best bet is to cut his head off and put it on a pike in the centre of London."

When asked for a comment on the allegation Mr Howard simply replied "ARRRGHHHHHHH…..I AM ALL THAT IS UNHOLY….FEAR MY WRATH FOR THE END OF THE WORLD IS NIGH….DRACULA SHALL RISE ONCE AGAIN……."
Quite what he meant by this is unclear but political analysts seem to believe that he may be breaking under the strain of yet another Tory defeat .

Over the past few months The leader of the opposition has been vaguely quiet about his parties strategy for election victory only being quoted once as saying "He who is the dark lord will return"
By this it is assumed he meant Ian Duncan Smith.

When asked for his opinion on the matter Boris "The Spider" Johnson said "Oh errrrr….well yes emmmm……are you one of those nasty Crack Addict Scouse blokes?"

If this is the truth and Labour plan to carry out such a horrible act…then this reporter wonders…."is this the end of those clean, fun loving election campaigns we have all come to know and love?"….We wait with baited breath……

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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