Written by Bob Muppet
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Topics: Women, John Prescott

Wednesday, 9 July 2003

John Prescott, the plain-speaking Deputy Prime Minister, enraged women's rights groups when he announced new laws limiting decibel levels, during childbirth.

‘In the old days, mums never did all this squealing and there was no crime then' John reasoned.

‘No blinking wonder today's kids are out of control' he explained.

‘Tony and me are trying our best to control the druggies and thuggies, but what's the point when the mothers let us down?'

‘The poor kids don't stand a chance. The first thing they hear when they pop into the world is some hysterical blinking prima donna, screaming their blinking head off'

‘Anybody would think it hurt or something!'

‘Anyway, I'm not having it! In future all births will be tightly monitored by my womb-wardens and any infringements will be severely punished.'

When asked what form the punishment would take, Presser indicated that it would be severe.

‘We may be talking about forcing them to watch daytime T.V.' he indicated.

‘But maybe that would be too harsh' he conceded.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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