Written by IainB
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Friday, 30 July 2010

image for Derek Acorah sets up a coffin making business
Another customer winging his way across

The amazingly philanthropic psychic medium, Derek Acorah, has moved into retail with a bespoke coffin making business in the Wirral.

A close friend of Acorah's, Cathy Passivic, has said it is something that he has been meaning to do for a few years now. With TV work drying up, Acorah has taken the plunge. After all, even in a recession, people need coffins.

"It's fantastic," said Passivic. "Customer's can come in and the coffin they need is there ready and waiting for them, as their recently deceased relative has already contacted Derek and told him what they need, materials, trim and dimensions that kind of thing."

Acorah's customer's are already providing glowing recommendations to Acorah's new service.

"My uncle Frank passed away last week," said new customer Jill Uphill. "I went in just on spec, and Mr Acorah had already completed the coffin. He knew Frank loved maple wood, and would have wanted brass handles. Even better, he knew that Frank was over six feet and weighed thirty stone, so the coffin was super-sized and reinforced. Amazing, I would definitely recommend him to any of my friends with dead relatives. On top of that, when I pass, I'll be contacting him to make my coffin!"

A spokesman for Acorah Bespoke Coffins already had a list of questions that would be asked, and pre-empted them by pointing out that Derek Acorah is not in anyway in contact with the hospital mortician, and that any suggestions that the two meet up once a week is pure hearsay.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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