Written by j.w.
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Thursday, 29 July 2010

image for Parched earth scandal
Drought forecast

The cry is being heard throughout the country - 'We want water!' The drought is giving everyone a headache.

'If we don't get something for our parched earth soon' a farmer in Norfolk told our Farming newshound 'our crops will be destroyed. It's a scandal. The Government should do something about it.'

Pleas that the government was not responsible for the weather fell on dry ground.

'If there had been proper resevoirs and wells dug this would never have happened. One minute we are flooded out of our homes. The next we can't get a drop to drink.'

I took these complaints to the Minister responsible but he was too busy to see me as he was in a cost cutting exercise, finding unknown quangos to squash.

'He might get you some orange juice that way' joked the civil servant really in charge of everything 'anyway my job is on the line and my pension is being docked. Why should I care if some grubby farmer grumbles. They always grumble whatever you do.'

'Aren't you supposed to be representing his views?' I asked.

'Don't give me that shit! He can pee on his beans and throw

pints of ale over his cabbages.'

'But why didn't you have some plan in preperation for a drought?'

'On my pay and under such stress? Come on, get real.'

So our farmers have their solution from the highest quarters - orange squash from quangos, pees from you prick and beer from your bottle.'

You asked the questions. Here are the answers.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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