In a blow to the Labour party election campaign, John Prescott today vowed to force through legislation which would assign unique ID cards in the UK for all pies.
Whilst on tour of a family run pie making factory, up north, John Prescott, pie eater, was asked by workers how the new plans to ID every pie would benefit the nation and if jobs would be lost.
The deputy PM replied "let me answer your question directly, unlike other parties, we and especially me, do not avoid questions and fob people off with meaningless responses and I pledge to continue to do that once I am elected".
Unfortunately, this did not answer the question and John Prescott, fat, quickly moved on to view the facilites but the angered pie makers continued to press their questions.
One employee shouted "hey, fatty, hows this pie ID system gonna work?".
Prescott replied, "well let me state that while I am in power, there is nothing I wont do or sacrifice for this country and its people. To that end, I volunteered to reallocate some 12 billion pounds of tax payer money to my department where all pies will arrive and be issued with a unique ID card with biometric identification along with quantum crpytography for authentication".
From within is two Jags prescott said "I pledge to personally inspect every pie and remove any that do not meet my high standards and give them to the less well off, such as the homeless or lazy people on benefits".
A recent independent study shows that currently due to the high standards only 5% of all pies in the UK leave John Prescotts office.
When presented with these facts John Prescott, large and unruly, began forcing himself towards the factories ovens saying "enough questions, where's the pies damn it". A scuffle broke out when they tried to restrain Mr Prescott from entering a 'clean area' without an hygene inspection and clothing.
"you'll contiminate the pies, dont do it" shouted the members of the family who own the factory. Whilst restrained, Prescott shouted, "I'm John Prescott, no one tells me what I can or cant do, I told George Lucas, now I'm telling you".
It appears that John prescott still has issues with the director of Star Wars becuase he was overlooked for the part of Jabba the Hut and claims that his talent was better for the movie than the eventual pretty boy actor that was chosen.