The Government Minister for the Destruction of Culture, Jeremy Haunt, wants see a tragic ending to the Film Council by eliminating it from existence.
'It will be inspiring' he told an audience of film buffs 'at the end we shall just see an empty screen with the immortal words The End. Away with boring happy endings!'
Tory Backbenchers are overjoyed with Haunt. 'It is about time those poofs and communists felt the smack of firm Government' said Sir Norman Lamont 'the BBC is next inline for treatment although one or two psuedo-liberal poofs from the Liberal Democrats are giving us trouble, showing their yellow colours by defending the indefensible State run broadcaster'.
The Head of the now dying Film Council has been trying to get support from the Film Industry but with Rambo 25 being so successful it seems unlikely many will take risks with unusual material.
Haunt returned to the House of Commons to make a speech which just got in before the release of Parliament on probation. He deplored the vast bureaucracy that ran the Film Council. 'I am all in favour of films. But do we need pen pushers to get things going? The Film clubs being supported by the Film Council are largely run by volunteers who are needed for our Big Society. Instead of skulking in darkened chambers they must fling off the chains of State power and do something useful.'
Customers at the Edinburgh Film Festival have been outraged by the developments. 'We have enough tragedy in our lives. Now the Government is giving us more of what we don't want' said one 'they are just upset by the comparison of the Coalition with Brokeback Mountain.'