Written by Nick Hobbs
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Monday, 26 July 2010

image for Carnage As Dove Wins Peace Prize
Bits of Gary, shortly after accepting the Nobel Peace Prize.

A single white dove has won this years Nobel Peace prize in a shock announcement from the Norwegian Nobel Committee, only to be brutally killed moments later.

Gary, a white Columba livia domestica, or white domestic pigeon, was hand picked from over 40,000 other doves by the five man selection committee.

"We looked at who we thought made the most impact on working for peace this year, and well, we just kept coming back to the dove," said Vernon Sachs, committee member.

"White doves have been a symbol for peace for years, it's time they were given recognition for services rendered," he cooed, "and let's face it, if Obama can win it for doing absolutely nothing, why can't a bird?"

The selection has been widely regarded as mental by everyone we spoke to. Carl Tilt, a lorry driver, said "a dove? That's mental!" whilst Sandra Bullshank, a dinner lady, shreiked "that's mental! A dove?"

Gary was released after being awarded the prize in an ostentatious ceremony in which dancing girls, a performing monkey and tap dancing bears were all employed for a festival atmosphere.

Unfortunately, planners had not anticipated the release of Gary, and when thrown upwards he was immediately torn asunder by the air conditioning ceiling fans, showering all who were present with fleshy dove bits.

That really brought a halt to the proceedings.

"It was a sad end for Gary, but I'm sure he would have wanted it that way, one last stand for peace!" said Mr Sachs.

We're sure he wouldn't.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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