Written by Big Wane Kerr
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Katie Price, Books

Saturday, 24 July 2010

Under mounting pressure celeb author Katie Price, has admitted that it is really she who writes the books published in her name.

Since the 1st novel "ANGEL" was published, Katie has insisted it has been Rebecca Farnworth who has ghostwritten all 4 books.

"I didn't want to let down my fans" she sobbed, "how can I get my t*ts out for the lads now".

When this was put to Miss Price she replied, " I have for to long now lived a lie. "

She continued "My whole career has been based on fabrications and deceit. I play the part of a no talent brainless, money grubber. I act like a prostitute, the sort who will endorse any old junk, Hungry for publicity, no matter how shameful or low. This is what I have to do. "

Katie went on still visibly upset, "Today we don't respect honest, intelligent people who really make a difference to society. Young people see footballers, singers who mime or nude models getting rewarded and honored. Why work hard studying to be a doctor or engineer. The big bucks are in sport, show business, or dealing coke".

The well kept secret is that despite being born in humble circumstances, the young Katie Price worked hard at school, studied for long years, then qualified as one of this country top Zoologists, Technical Chemists and body language experts.

Miss Price said more in a quivering stuttering wail: "Now this is all coming out how can I look any body in the eye and say you can be the next Katie price, what hope for the young ones now? Where will our next generation whores and wasters come from"Who will fill endless hours of satellite and cable TV for the brain-dead, how are journalists and reporters going to fill the day. "

"Perhaps they may have to work and find real stories of interest, inform the masses, blow the whistle on bent politicians, shady business dealing or the corrupt powerful fat cats. "

Drying her swollen Botox swelled, running with mascara eyes the monologue continued

"No one ever thinks about the poor paparazzi. They stand for hours chatting, smoking, drinking espresso. They break traffic laws, risking injury or death to other innocent road users, stalking us celebs, just to get a picture to sell to a scandal rag. How are they to keep themselves in Gucci loafers and Gitanes?"

Miss Price will be appearing in panto at the end of a pier near you.

She is also looking for mugs to pay her huge sums or give her free goods to mention names of merchants or suppliers in future programs and articles. This will only be of interest to companies that produce items that appeal to scum and chavs.

Make Big Wane Kerr's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 multiplied by 3?

1 3 23 20
41 readers are online right now!

Go to top