Struggling Manchester Spoof Writer Sean Hornpiper, an affable chap in real life, but with no real journalistic or imaginative ability, was finally driven in desperation today to go out into the world to find at least one loyal fan.
Standing in the centre of a busy round about with lorries and cabs whizzing around him at dizzying speed during a torrential downpour clad only in wellies, a t-shirt and a pair of knock off jeans from Bangladesh, Sean held up a plaintive sign : Be My Fan and You Won't Regret It!"
Finally, after nearly 5 hours of standing by himself with not one person caring enough to stop, Spoof.Com editor Mark Lowton, passing by on his 18 speed French Hi-Speed commuting bike stopped to chat.
"I was on me way for a toasted cheese for meslef, and a few bacon sandwiches for the crew in the office when I saw this poor, soaked, miserable scrota standing in a puddle looking for a fan. Well, I says, anyone who would put himself out just to get one fan is alright in my book, and just the kind of writer I don't mind sponsoring!"
Sean was granted a 5 minute interview in a near by curry shop where he was able to wring out his shirt and explain why he was so desperate for just one fan of his material.
"I've been trying to break into the spoof writing genre for over two years with not too much success...been all over the net, San Francisco, NY, New Delhi...no luck really...I don't think anyone ever read one piece I wrote...depressing it was, and for sure it didn't pay the bills!"
Mark picked up the story from there. "Well, see, it was like this. I liked his attitude, but had no idea if he could read, let alone write. So I gave him a simple test like, pulled out some old shit from some guy in Scotland and told him to edit it the best he could so it could be readable."
"Imagine my surprise when within 5 minutes he had redrafted the whole piece with correct punctuation, complete sentences, a good lead, solid paragraph construction, and with a hell of a punch line in the last sentence!"
Sean was hired on the spot and put in charge of editing the Spoof caption contest and was the stand in editor on Sunday for the Snippet section.
"I just love it here," said Sean sucking on a pickled egg in his cubicle,"everyone is just swell, and I'm enjoying the job of editing for these crazy people all over the world that submit writings here. I think there's a real chance for advancement , Mark said he's thinking of expanding the magazine section with illustrations, and he's even letting me submit ideas for story lines to the writers....ever hear of the Isle of Wight?"
Sean said he's even allowed to write under an assumed name. "I'm building up me courage to submit me first story...I want it just right so someone will put it in the forum and give me a rating....just think, my very first FAN!"
And what about a salary for his new job. "Mark said he's thinking about it and will get back to me on that....he wants me to get paid what I'm worth, but can't have it be out of line with what the more established writers get...I'm fine with that, after all, I am the newbie."
And what about his screen name for the Spoof when he finally publishes?
"I'm tossin around the idea to be "WET DREAM,"....I think it fits, but finding the right avatar has really been a bitch!"