Written by Herr Riballs
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Topics: Death, Old People

Thursday, 22 July 2010

Super sleuth reporter Herr Riballs has learned that Britain's oldest woman, Eunice Crabtree, has sadly passed away at 111.

Eunice, who lived all her life in Swaffham, Norfolk, once joked that the secret of her long life was "20 Bensons, Special Brew and a daily bag of weed."


Neighbour Dorothy Stoakes, 86, said tearfully "I'm still numb with shock. She was such a lovely neighbour and would do anything for you.

But what I can't get my head round is WHY she died at 111. She didn't even live there. Eunice lived at number 39. And she was only fifty two" she explained.

PCSO Tony Stockwell said "As far as we know Eunice didn't know anybody residing at one hundred and eleven so why she should end her life at 111 is anyone's guess.

The investigation is in its infancy but it appears she was friendly with her neighbours at 37 and the Thompsons next door but one. However, there is no evidence to suggest her being acquainted with anybody at 111. We would encourage members of the community to contact us with information to the contrary."


Local man, serial killer, Peter Toebin, was arrested yesterday after it emerged there has been a spate of deaths in the area at 111.

Mr Toebin who, coincidentally, lives at 111 will appear at Swaffham Magistrates Court on Monday.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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