In a landmark case Sharon Feeder has become the first person to be sentenced under controversial new Fat Induction Child Abuse (FICA) Laws. Under the new statutes parents that allow their offspring to become tubby vats of lard can be prosecuted for child abuse. Dr Shield from the Cambridge Institute of Law explains the ruling: "Fat related illness has become endemic in our country. Psychologists have validated the connection between excess fat and diminished social confidence. If left untreated this aberrance manifests in sever social disturbances including: diminished concentration, increased propensity toward white trash hood, a higher likelihood to take unemployment benefits and an inability to breath without sounding like a rhinoceros. This law, dubbed the Goliath bill, is about addressing this growing problem and laying the responsibility firmly at the feet of the negligent parents".
Sharon was found guilty of severe fat related child abuse. Over a period of years she allowed her young son, Fat Bastard, to poison himself with a diet of cheap takeout food and fizzy cola. Additionally she systematically instilled a loathing for exercise that resulted in Fat Bastard's inability to halt his declining health and bulging waistline. At sentencing the judge commented on the brutality of this two pronged attack and the malice inherent to it.
Sharon will have to serve a 10 year sentence at the Birmingham Penitentiary where she will follow a strict food regime designed to melt the fat of her bulky frame. The regime is complemented by a full therapy programme titled ‘there is a skinny me waiting to get out.' (Editors comment - judging by the pictures she may have a number of split personalities). The programme will allow her to face her consumption demons. Despite the cost of this programme official estimates forecast that an overall saving of £1000 per person will be realised from diminished hospital fees and unemployment payouts. This saving will be passed on to UK tax payers.
Fat Bastard has been reallocated to a caring household were he is currently undergoing re-education. Lessons include: The difference between a Big Mac and food, preparing vegetables (a practical demonstration) and why cardboard is not a suitable plate.