Written by Bertram Chapley
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Britain, british

Wednesday, 13 April 2005

image for Tories Propose City Mergers if Elected
Howard (the Duck)

Tory party chief Michael Howard has announced that as part of the 2005 election manifesto he is proposing the merger of several of Britain's Cities. The move is alleged to save the British taxpayers £3.6bn ($4 and 36 cents) per year rising to £4.8bn in 2007/8. The measures are in conjunction with moves to slash company car tyres and talk of providing free rail travel to all 90 year olds if accompanied by their grandparents.

"The merging of British cities will cut the travel time between London and Edinburgh to just 14 minutes compared to the 4 days 15 hours and twenty three minutes it takes with the railways." Said an upbeat Howard.

Andrew Marr the BBC's political correspondent says a similar policy was adopted by the late John Major prior to the 1992 election but was dropped at the last minute because of opposition from residents in Hull and Sheffield protested that their cities would be merged with Nottingham.

London mayor Ken Livingstone is voicing his opposition to the scheme especially as the proposed merger is to take place just outside of Leicester only one 110 yards from his ex wife's house. He has an exclusion order against him after he suggested felching with a Great crested Newt.

Labour Home Office spokesman Lord Norman of Norman said that his party had no plans for city merger after their forward thinking think tank the Sherman had done some research in 1998 with merging Swindon with Preston but concluded that the pure logistics would be too costly and the residents of Scunthorpe reacted badly to the fact that their town would be the site of the proposed merger.

"We are the only party offering measures that will benefit all." Howard continued.
"This is the most radical policy change since I abandoned the Pole Tax in 1990"

Polish spokesman at the time Warzwa Szcetzer said later that the Pole tax was grossly unfair and should have been dropped earlier, an accusation strongly denied by Howard. The stigma of earlier Tory policies have dogged Howard throughout his leadership especially the introduction of the Welsh language in 1987.

This alone is expected to loose him 30 seats in the 200 square yard principality as the much expected replacement of Welsh with Hindi has formed part of his manifesto.

Make Bertram Chapley's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 5 multiplied by 1?

4 5 9 18
39 readers are online right now!

Go to top