Tourist ministers are considering a Restraint of Trade injunction against certain satire writers after a concerted conspiracy has been alleged of a Public Relations Campaign to divert badly needed Tourist Dollars to the Isle of Wight from the Shetlands.
In Lerwick today, council head Swen Petersen, said investigations have revealed that for the past two weeks there has been a 'horrific' cyber attack launched from Britain, and as far away as Canada, to direct tourists who usually come for annual 'sex holidays' to take their trade to the Isle of Wight where one jaded vacationeer from Amsterdam was heard to exclaim, "Well, F****k me, Mate, there's nothing here worth shagging....what a rip off! Lying
Further complicating the issue is the new EU Directive stating that since January 1, 2010 all Shetland Sheep must be fitted with an Electronic Identification Device (EID) under threat of severe penalty.
According to the the EU minister involved, Sir Iam Shepherd, the directive is in direct response to the recent shocking discovery that over a score of sheep have gone missing and it is feared that they were abducted and forced into some type of sex slavery scheme in the Middle East, as well as Pattaya, Thailand.
Officers from Scotland Yard and Interpol have confirmed that there is a definite link between a visit last year by Joran van der Sloot, and at least
15 young sheep gone missing, mostly within jogging distance of Lerwick, as they continue their investigation into evidence tying the sociopath, now jailed for murder in Peru, with the sex scheme.
Police theory is the sheep were lured to an out of the way field with the prospect of 'treats', drugged, and then during the dark of night shipped off from Victoria pier in 'slave ships' disguised as sardine fisherman from Oslo.
Van der Sloot has been described as 'very persuasive', and has been positively identified as being the last person seen with several of the missing sheep, including family pets, "Boo", "Bhah" & "Stinky" owned by Duncan McWahrt, a well known sheep fancier, Shetland Tourist Guide and owner of the downtown Pub, "Ewe Ken Too!"
Since this is now an international incident gaining notoriety, it is uncertain if the courts in Brussels will be the deciding legal entity to decide the matter, or if will be decided in the old fashioned way on the Jousting Field in Glasgow.
Unemployed former PM Gordon Brown, is one of the individuals under consideration to act as mediator in order to prevent bloodshed, while others have complained his manner may just add more fuel to the already red hot
fire of indignation over the abductions.
According to insiders, writers involved are said to be
What's clear to this reporter is that rest assured, "Somebody's Goin' Get It In the End!"