Written by Ron Smith
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Wednesday, 21 July 2010

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Attractive blonde photogenic 17 year-old Grace Ford - who fell 90ft from an apartment block in Majorca, has become the latest person to be injured while Defenestrating - the latest craze sweeping holiday resorts around the world.

Defenestrating, also known as Lanzar El Burro or Flat Diving, involves a combination of either getting drunk, taking drugs or having sex and then falling from a window and landing on a hard surface; in the majority of reported cases the result is a sensational death. Defenestrating replaces Tombstoning - leaping into deep water from a cliff, as this year's latest fear-inducing thing to write about as we approach the school holidays, along with imaginary Portuguese child kidnappers.

The sport became big news in 2006 when parent John Hogan attempted a 33ft Defenestration with his children in Lerapetra, Crete. Since then it has become an increasingly popular item to receive frenzied media attention; just today a lovemaking pair Defenestrated from an apartment block in Lubeck, Germany during a SECRET SEX SESSION and amazingly survived the fall with just broken bones, bruised egos and a headline in The Sun.

Last week 30 year-old Andrew Warren died from a 40ft Defenestration in Ibiza and reported incidents are expected to increase dramatically as we enter the final week of the school term. The craze has become so popular that some parents are even considering not leaving their children alone in holiday apartments while they go out and get pissed with their friends.

The government have responded rapidly to this latest media outcry by issuing a statement warning parents about the dangers of Defenestrating: "As we have recently seen in Prague in both 1419 and 1618, Defenestration can kill. The media have alerted us to something and we are responding without really knowing what it is, but it is important for parents to do the same. Don't jump from windows while on holiday."

Grace Ford survived the fall with a broken body but thankfully was pretty enough prior to being maimed for life, for us to publish semi-sexual photographs under the guise of an article about the dangers of ever leaving your house, especially going somewhere foreign.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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