London Mayor Boris Johnson has announced the development of a bike superhighway that will be created through Parliament Square.
Plans are being rushed through parliament almost quite literally as there are fears of an outbreak of plague or dysentery due to the presence of skivers camping in the area until recently.
"Make no mistake" puffed Boris, "they may be back and I encourage all true Londoners to get on their bikes and run these shirkers down. We calculate that they've been sponging off the state since they were born and expect them to return".
Given the Mayor's concerns, he has agreed that any injuries or even deaths caused by cyclists running the work shirkers over will be ignored. His office has also set up a series of pit-stops in the area where cyclists can pick up free cans of Um Bongo to keep them going.
Boris has further plans, including making it illegal to wear nose rings, have hair braids and a sleeping dog by your side in any part of London.