Written by Rudolph Schlong
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Monday, 19 July 2010

image for The Isle of Man tells the Isle of Wight to "fuck off"
Isle of Shite - The most original captions guaranteed only in the Spoof

The island off the North West coast of England that has been receiving no attention from any Spoof writers, has openly expressed its disgust by telling its cousin off the South Coast of England to "fuck off".

The Isle of Man shouted the obscenity today in the annual meeting of Shit British Islands as the Isle of Wight went up to collect its award for Best Bringer of Abject Misery to Kids When They've Been Told They're Going to Spend a Week There and Not in Ibiza For Their Summer Holidays.

As the Isle of Wight thanked Spoof writers for its recent unrivalled publicity, Man stood up and shouted 'Fuck Off' and was joined by Anglesey who called Wight a 'Tedious English Cunt'. The two islands were escorted by security from the conference screaming obscenities as they left.

Outside, an irate Man told reporters, 'I've had enough of that smug twat Wight. If I read one more story about some bloke in Ryde opening his front door or some woman in Shanklin letting her cat out for a piss, then I'll take its fucking Needles and stick them up its fucking arse.'

'If I was gonna write a Spoof' added Anglesey, 'then I'd write one about the Isle of Man. For example instead of 'Bloke in Ryde opens can of baked beans' I'd do one titled 'Bloke in Douglas opens can of baked beans with his six fingered third arm'. And rather than 'Woman in Newport falls out with her sister' I'd go with 'Woman in Peel has sex with her sister, then her brother and then her father who is also her brother.' Genius huh?'

'Here's one about Anglesey then' said Isle of Man. 'Farmer in Anglesey arrested for making love to a woman - local sheep files for divorce.'

'Is that all you got then Man? One crappy joke about the Welsh shagging sheep?'

'Better than your bollocks inbreeding Isle of Man stories, you Welsh twat.'

'Fucking funny though, eh? You three legged freak.'

'I can hear your girlfriend. I think she's getting angry with you. What's that she's saying? 'You've been a baaaaaaaaaad boy you baaaaaaaaaastard.'


The Isle of Orkney calls Shetland 'Shitland' and the isle of Lundy reveals how Brownsea Island got its name - because it's just a big floating turd.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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